he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
