Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
