I'm so fucking centered right now
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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