***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
