I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
