OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
