i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
