I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
