idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
