Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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