Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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