Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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