Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
