mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He felt like a one man threesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
