so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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