This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
