he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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