where does the pee come out of this thing
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
