I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
