She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
