We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
