Porn is love you can see.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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