getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
