pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
