If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
