just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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