The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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