mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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