At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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