You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
