OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
