I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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