I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
