I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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