How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
