Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
