What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
