his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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