You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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