so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
