i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
