Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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