i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
