we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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