Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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