Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
