I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
