You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
