Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
