yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
