you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
